Why Did I Create This Site?

Some people out there don't mind sitting in a cubicle at work.  I am not one of those people, I'd rather work in an office.  Maybe you are like me.  I find sitting in a cube incredibly distracting, especially when I'm trying to concentrate.   Even when I'm not doing something that requires complete concentration, I find that some people's cubicle etiquette can be very irritating. 

Over the years I've worked in a cubicle, I have come up with a few things to make working in this type of environment more tolerable.  In some cases, other people gave me good ideas (I worked with a guy named Tom Bachand and he had a rectangular wide-angle mirror that he found in a parking lot on his computer monintor so I went out and bought one myself).  I wanted to share this knowledge with others which is why I've created the Cubicle Survival Kit.  Of course, I'm assuming you have your very own cubicle and don't have to endure the process of "hoteling" in which a company (often a consulting firm) only assigns an employee a small rolling file cabinet and the employee has to find a spot to work each day they are in the office.

I also thought there was a need for some relevant cubicle-related content which is why I've included the cubicle quiz, a forum for asking questions of the Cube Guy, a place to submit your own classic cube stories, cubicle postcards, and more.

So why are cubicles so prevalent?  One school of thought says that cubes reduce hierarchy and inspire collaboration within an organization.  That may be true to a degree, but we all know that cubicles save companies tons of money because they can fit more employees into less space.  It's unlikely that the trend towards cubicles is going to change anytime soon, so what can you do?  You can order the Cubicle Survival Kit to make the best of the situation.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing the people whose make the decisions to put employees in cubicles.  It's just that the widespread adoption of cubicles is a relatively new development in the workplace and office etiquette has not caught up to this development.   The Cubicle Survival Kit is my way of helping employees do their jobs.  This will ultimately increase productivity and corporate profits and these days, that's never been more important.  Tell this to your boss and you might even convince him or her to reimburse you for the price of the Kit.

Instead of ordering the Cubicle Survival Kit, you could:

• Retire immediately.  This may not be an option for you.
• Get creative.  You could trade your car in and buy a "Recreational Vehicle," park it next to the building you work in, and then run extension cords for power, telephone and network access into the RV so it's a fully functional office that's almost part of the office.
• Contact the creators of the TV show "Get Smart!" and ask them where you can order the "Cone of Silence" featured on the show.  This should work unless some things shown on television aren't real.
• Send an anonymous tip to offending coworkers.   There's no guarantee this will work.

See?  The only practical and simple solution is to order the Cubicle Survival Kit today!

Top Five Cube Etiquette Violations

Note: While some of these behaviors are not offensive on an occasional basis (I've done some of 'em myself in certain situations) they do rise to the level of serious cubicle etiquette violations when done on a regular and sustained basis.

Etiquette Violation 1: Using your speaker phone to have a conference call by yourself or to check your voicemail
What you want to say, but can't:  Follow these simple directions.   Reach for telephone receiver.  Use hand to grasp receiver.  Use arm to place receiver against ear.  Talk, listen.  Repeat as necessary.

Etiquette Violation 2: Loud conversations about personal issues
What you want to say, but can't: Wow, that rash couldn't have flared up in a worse spot, wanna keep it to yourself next time?

Etiquette Violation 3: Being a "LOUD TALKER!"
What you want to say, but can't: Easy tiger, everyone can hear you just fine, could you just turn it down a couple of notches?

Etiquette Violation 4: Sneaking up on people with their backs facing the entrance to their cube
What you want to say, but can't: You better hope the next time you do that, I'm not overcaffeinated and using a pair of scissors because there's no telling what I might do when I'm startled.

Etiquette Violation 5: Eating hot and/or particularly smelly food at your desk
What you want to say, but can't: It's really great that you brought in flounder leftovers from dinner last night, but it smells like a fish market in here now.

Cubicle Hall of Fame and Stories
 

CUBICLE HALL OF FAME

 
CUBE STORIES

SUBMIT YOUR STORY FOR INCLUSION IN THE CUBICLE STORY HALL OF FAME

Homeboyyy, St. Louis, MO:  At one telecommunications firm where I worked, I was forced to sit in a cubicle with my boss for my first few days on the job until he found somewhere else for me to sit. Before he was able to find a cubicle for me, he was fired for sexual harassment and quietly left the company without informing anyone (even me) of the situation. Not knowing where to go or what to do, I stayed put and no one ever directed me to evacuate his cube. Since there was no one for me to report to and nothing for me to do, I sat in that cube and essentially shuffled papers around for several weeks. I even went to the IT department and had the cube outfitted with top-notch computer gear. Eventually, people that were aware of my situation started to assign work to me and I did the work even though I never really reported to any of them. After about a year of sitting in this cube and doing work for anyone that asked, I went to Human Resources to inquire about another position that was available in the firm. They told me that the position about which I was asking was not a "Director level" position but that there was another Director level position available for me if I wanted it. It then dawned on me that they thought that I was a Director when I was actually just a low-level manager. As it turned out, this company assigned the size and location of your cube to you according to your rank and seniority, and the particular cube I had inherited happened to be assigned to Directors only. Since I sat in this cube for a year, they assumed I was a Director and so I became one!

Cube Farm - to the extreme!, Herndon, VA:  I was working with a friend on a project in her cubicle the other day.  While we were discussing the project, her neighbor started making pig noises.  Evidently, this is a regular occurrence that happens after she eats certain foods or something.  This was probably the third time I had heard it.  This time was much louder than any other time I had experienced.  I had to run out of my co-workers cube and halfway down the hall before I could let out the laughter that was causing me to bust at the seams.  My co-worker was shortly behind me, dying from laughter also.

Gotta go now!, Herndon, Virginia: My cube neighbor has a mini-waterfall on her desk. It has created a constant need for me to use the men's room every half hour. And she leaves it on when she leaves!

Bitter About Being a Cubicle, Northern Virginia: My cube is right outside an actual office, and so other workers assume that I must be the assistant to the person inside the office.  Well, I'm not his assistant. Each time someone asks to see this person's schedule or tries to  book an appointment, I gently remind him/her I'm not his assistant. I also started putting up signs stating that I wasn't this person's assistant and the location of his actual assistant.  However, people still insist on standing outside my cube and asking me questions about that person inside the office.  My favorite is when they ask if he's in his office.  Dude, the door is open to this guy's office, just look in, why do they need to ask me?  Sometimes, people will stand 5-10 minutes outside my cube just to ask me if he's in his office. Oh boy, I make them wait. I do not turn around until I'm good and ready and sometimes I don't turn around at all. Admitting defeat, they finally walk away. Why couldn't they have just knocked on the damn door or looked into the office, which is two feet away from my cube?

Anonymous, Northern Virginia: There is a woman with just a touch of trash (more like a gut punch) in the cube next to mine.  I cannot even begin to explain the hell in which I am subjected to on behalf of her.  She smells bad all the time, and she uses a lot of deodorant to cover her smell up, resulting in FlounderFlower scent, all damn day.  I cannot even begin to explain how utterly disgusting it is.  It is almost like cleaning with bleach, and walking into a sewage treatment tank spilloff area - everyday of my life.  She also uses a space heater in July, because god forbid she cool off enough to not smell bad.  I know this may sound funny, and like I am making it up, but seriously, I wish I was.  I am actually applying at other companies to escape the aroma.  My last cellmate actually put in a transfer, and listed her "regional odor" as a reason for transfer.  I, unfortunately, am not that cruel.  I feel even worse for her husband.  I cannot wait until she goes on vacation.

M, Massachusetts: One of the managers in our area has a habit of yammering incessantly to someone in their cube. When it gets to be too much and you can tell the victim just wants him to leave, we place a "911" call to the victim. Usually, since the idiot manager is just blathering away about nothing important, he will move on. Unfortunately, to find another victim, usually.

Anonymous, New York: Deliver me from cubicle hell!!! There is a woman who sits in the next cubicle from me who is just an incredibly stupid person.  She used to be a constant source of amusement throughout the day when she was first hired.   But now that she has been with the company a year and a half and I still overhear her mispronounce the company name when she answers the phone, she is just plain irritating.  The stupidist thing I ever heard her say happened last Christmas when our boss gave us snowglobes that played little tunes when you wind them.  Mine played Beethoven's Fur Elise, when she heard it she exclaimed, "Oh, I like that!"   When I told her it was Fur Elise by Beethoven, she replied, "I don't know who sings it, I just like it."

J.A., St. Petersburg, FL: A friend of mine found a huge unused piece of cubicle wall and placed it over his cubicle to block out lots of noise and increase his privacy.  Unfortunately, there are workplace safety regulations that discourage, okay, prohibit doing this.

Anonymous, Northern Virginia:  The consulting division of a large German software company has a rule that each employee is limited to only one (1) personal item in their cubicle or office.  In protest of this rule, one crafty consultant had a velvet portrait of himself commissioned and he proudly displays this work of art in his cube, much to the delight of his co-workers.  Inside sources say the company is crafting a new policy that would impose size restrictions on the one (1) personal effect each employee is permitted to display but that this new policy would not be applied retroactively.

C.B., Potomac, MD:  My boss at one Internet start-up walked up behind me and, unbeknownst to me, was reading my computer screen over my shoulder as I composed my resignation letter that I planned to present to him later that week.

Also, once I was standing outside a friend's cube talking about what a jerk our boss was being. Since his office was down the hall, I was speaking quietly but not whispering. After hearing some papers rustling in the unoccupied cube next to us, I peered over its wall to see my boss sitting in there arranging some papers he had just copied and trying to pretend he didn't hear what I had just said.

Cubicle Lingo

It's a little known fact that the words "cube" or "cubicle" are not used in the brochures of the companies that manufacture and sell these lovely office dwelling units.  Instead, they use much less confining and impersonal sounding terms such as:

• Systems Furniture
• Office Systems
• Panel-Based Systems
• Open Offices
• Workstations

But they're cubes to us.  In response, we've created some of our own cube lingo:

• Cube Farm (a collection of cubicles)
• Prairie Dogging (standing up and peering across a cube farm to see what's going on)
• A "six by eight" (referring to the dimensions of a cubicle)
  and my personal favorite...

If you'd like to ask the Cube Guy a question, send an email to and include your name and location if you daree!

Dear Cube Guy: I'm an elderly woman still working and a co-worker regularly sneaks up so quietly and starts talking that I'm afraid I'll have a heart attack some day. I'm reluctant to complain because I fear they'll try to get rid of me instead of her (she's young and attractive). What should I do?  Susie, Milwaukee, WI

Dear Susie: Your co-worker is definitely exhibiting some odd and very annoying behavior.  For starters, I recommend that you place a wide-angle car mirror on top of your monitor as that will enable you to see your co-worker approaching and prevent you from being startled.  This type of mirror is included in all Cubicle Survival Kits by the way.  Second, I would not hesitate to ask this person to refrain from this conduct and if she insists on continuing to sneak up on you, notify your manager or the Human Resources department.   In case you don't know, there is a Federal law that prohibits employers from discriminating against employees who are 40 or older so you shouldn't worry too much that you'll be terminated if you ultimately complain about your co-worker and if you were terminated for no good reason, you would have the makings of a good lawsuit.

Dear Cube Guy: I work in an office with out cubicles--its just 4 desks in one room.  As a result, my boss can see what I am doing.  I am craving a cubicle.  Should I get my head examined???  Peter, Washington, D.C.

Dear Peter: I refer to your situation as the "police precinct" style of work environment based on the sets of police-themed televisions shows such as NYPD Blue and Barney Miller.  I'm not surprised that you're craving a cubicle (as absurd as that may sound) so your head is just fine.  It's probably not realistic for you position a screen in front of your desk to literally shield yourself from view but you might want to consider stacking lots of books, papers and other appropriate office items on your desk to create a marginal barrier from constant inspection.  Additionally, the one benefit to the precinct-style workspace is that people are unlikely to have even the illusion of privacy so they may refrain from public discussions of medical and personal problems, as well as certain other offensive activities.
 

Dear Cube Guy: I share a two-person office with a guy who talks like the other person on the phone is deaf and is on conference calls all day. He even has the bad habits of passing wind loudly while he is on these calls with no regard to me. The most annoying habit is that he eats potato chips everyday and his goal is to get the maximum crunch volume echoing around our small room. Fifty percent of the time I have to leave my office to even hear myself think. J.C., Piscataway, NJ

Dear J.C.: This sounds like an extreme situation that possibly calls for extreme measures.   Based on what you wrote, I think you need to confront your office mate in a non-threatening but assertive way and detail the things he's doing that annoy you.   Use language like "it would really help me out if you could lower the tone of your voice when you're on the telephone" and "please refrain from making any other offensive sounds while I'm in this office."  If that doesn't work, I think it's time to bring this to the attention of your manager, and if he or she is unresponsive, check in with Human Resources Department.  If all else fails, bring in wire cutters and sever his telephone cord when he's talking on the phone too loud and buy a super soaker and squirt that bufoon whenever he annoys you in any other way.

Dear Cube Guy: Farting and cubes: How does this work?  When is it OK to let one fly.....they could always come back unexpectedly!  Help!!!!  Tony, New York, NY

Dear Tony: Interesting question - this seems to be a big issue in the New York-New Jersey area..  Needless to say, I think cube dwellers should be considerate to their neighbors and this includes not subjecting them to offensive odors.   Burnt popcorn and odorous microwaved lunches eaten at one's desk are two common examples, and you have identified another.  I think the only time when it would be okay to "let one fly" as you put it would be when you are absolutely certain that nobody is or will be near your cube (late night or on weekends).  Otherwise, I think a bathroom break is in order.
 

Dear Cube Guy: The person in the cubicle next to me has the volume set on their phone ringer at what sounds like the highest setting.  Every time her phone rings, I almost have a heart attack.  What should I do? Don B., Sterling, VA

Dear Don: That sounds pretty bad ... and loud.  Here's what you should do.  Get in early or stick around the office a little late and adjust the volume on your cube neighbor's telephone ringer down by one increment.  Then let them get used to the lower volume for a day or so and repeat this procedure until their telephone doesn't send you into cardiac arrest every time it rings.

Dear Cube Guy: I share a double wide cube with another person and while I can't be sure, it sounds like he's burping all day long.  His burping isn't really loud so I think he thinks I can't hear it.  This is totally gross but I'm embarrassed to say something.  Allison K., New York, NY.

Dear Allison: Geez, there's probably not a "no burping" rule in your employee handbook to rely on and this definitely is an awkward issue to raise with your cube mate.  I think the best approach is to subtly inform the burper that you are able to hear his burping by expressing some uncertainty as to the cause of the sound so he's not embarrassed (you'll have to continue to share a cube with him after all).  When you hear him going on a "burp solo," try saying something like this: "Hey [Bob], do you hear that sound too?  It sounds like someone is knocking on a door or something.  Can you hear it too?"  Hopefully, he'll clue in that you can hear his burping and refrain from further performances.

Dear Cube Guy: I used to date the man who sits in the cubicle right across from mine and now things are really awkward.  We see each other all the time and I can hear when he's on the telephone making plans with other women.  What should I do?  Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous: Sorry, but the Cube Guy can't fix every problem.  You should have foreseen this problem before you started dating this guy.  Here are a few ideas: first, if there is an unoccupied cube elsewhere in your department, you could fabricate a reason why you need to switch cubes; second, maybe now is the time to apply for a job in another department or company; third, you could contact some headhunters and give him you old flame's contact information and tell them he's

Cubicle Fact Sheet 

The cubicle was created in the early 1960’s by Herman Miller, Inc., which continues to be a leading manufacturer of cubicles.
(source: Herman Miller Website)

The first cubicle system was called the Action Office.
(source: Herman Miller Website)

An estimated forty million Americans, nearly 60 percent of the white-collar workforce, work in cubicles. 
(source: Smithsonian Institution)

Only 7 percent of workers say they prefer cubicles to other types of work environments.
(source: Steelcase website)

When asked what they would change about their workspace, 18 percent of cubicle dwellers surveyed replied that they wanted more privacy.
(source: Steelcase website)

12% of cubicle dwellers report that overcrowded physical conditions have contributed to their workplace stress.
(source: Small Office/Home Office According to the U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration, 18,000 workers are victims of nonfatal assaults each week. The phenomenon even has a faddish new name: cubicle rage.
(source: National Institutes Health)

Cubicle workers complain most often about noise -- trying to hear themselves think over the sound of co-workers working, conversing, and talking on the phone.
(source: CNN.com)

CUBE DWELLERS BY CHOICE

These people are so important, they don’t have to sit in cubicles ... but they do anyway!

Michael Bloomberg, Mayor, New York City (net worth: $4 billion)
Meg Whitman, CEO, eBay (net worth: $850 million)
Jeff Bezos, CEO, Amazon.com (net worth: $1.2 billion)
Andy Grove, Chairman and former CEO, Intel (net worth: $267 million)
Jerry Yang and David Filo, Co-Founders, Yahoo (net worth: $625 million each)
Carly Fiorina, CEO, Hewlett-Packard